It came in a way I least expected. I was driving past our church, on a rare moment that I had away from the kids and others, and stopped inside to pray. I walked around the building, visualizing the services that had taken place there, with heaviness on my heart. The more I looked around – the sadder I became. My loneliness began to manifest itself in my tears. I fell onto the altar where I had prayed for tear-soaked members many times. Today was my time. I sat there and I cried unto God from the pit of my heart. I told Him how lonely and angry I was. I didn't understand why He was blessing others with families while my children and I were stuck in a rut. I grabbed my stomach and began to wail louder and louder. I didn't care who heard me, this time. I was broken inside and needed answers.
I pulled myself off of the floor and slumped into a chair. I was certain that this was another moment in my life that God would silently listen as I cried. I sat there expecting nothing; to be honest with you, then to my surprise God was no longer silent. I heard the Spirit of The Lord speaking within my heart, saying:
"Let Me love you and show you what you deserve. Give Me the opportunity to mold you into the woman you are to become. Allow Me to show you what qualities you must possess to be that woman of integrity in Proverbs 31. Learn to love Me with your full heart. Learn to accept pure love without hesitation. Then, my daughter, I will release you to love a man beyond your imagination."
I stopped crying and sat there absorbing what I had heard. For once, I'd stopped listening to my sadness and listened to the voice of God. Finally, after all these years, I got it. God did not want to withhold a loving relationship from me. He wanted me to allow Him to mold me into a vessel fitting for the king whom he had set aside for me to be my husband. I just had to allow Him to take me through the process.
©2006-2007 Olivia Stith All Rights Reserved
Come back tomorrow to see what happens next!
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